Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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