Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
