I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
