So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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