I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize