Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
