I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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