he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize