So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
