I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
