I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
