thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
