problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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