This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
