All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
