your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
