who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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