Pregnant stripper...not hot.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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