2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
