That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Terrible idea I love it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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