I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
