I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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