he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
