This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize