walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
