How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
