see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
