Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
