My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
