i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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