i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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