i think my tv is drunk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
