either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize