We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
