I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I got inside last night via doggy door
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
