took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
