My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
