Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
