You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
