She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
