That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
