He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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