Whod you bang
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
