He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
