operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
