She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
