I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
