She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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