he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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