Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
