I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
