I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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