Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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