Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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