before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
