I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
