4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
