some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
