ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm both gender and math confused
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
