I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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