AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
