I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
