Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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