Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize