You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
