i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
