I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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