why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
