i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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