Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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