Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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