My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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