The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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