Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
