Your dad touched me again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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