I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My vagina just recognized that song.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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